The NFC representative, let's call it Team A, went 9-7 in the regular season, which would be the worst record ever for a Super Bowl winner, including a stretch, from November into December, of five losses in six games.

Team A lost to the Philadelphia Eagles, who had Vince Young at quarterback. It lost to the Washington Redskins, who had Rex Grossman at quarterback, twice, by a combined 51-24.

Team A won its conference championship game 20-17. Its opponents' special teams handed it, gift-wrapped, two field goals.

The AFC representative, or Team B, did not beat a single team with a winning record in the regular season. In the first round of the playoffs, it drew the worst team to qualify.

In the semifinals, Team B's future hall-of-fame quarterback played perhaps the worst postseason game of his career ("I sucked," he acknowledged) and survived thanks largely to the opposing kicker missing a 28-yard field goal.

If everything else about today's combatants were exactly the same except that they were called, say, Arizona and Jacksonville, America might just be tempted by "60 Minutes" tonight.

Not to worry. It's Pats vs. Giants, Coughlin vs. Belichick, Brady vs. Eli.

Brand names all around and if they're not, by God, we'll make 'em brand names.

By we, I mean the media, which have been so disgustingly complicit in the NFL's bulletproof rise to the American penthouse that you'd think we get a cut of the luxury tax.

We don't.

What we do have are "storylines," and we're mind-numbingly unafraid to use them.

They're not all silly. Here's a legitimate and interesting one: As you know, the Super Bowl in the most gambled-upon annual event on Earth.

The first Super Bowl played when I was aware of such things was in 1979 —Steelers-Cowboys.

The Steelers opened as 4 1/2-point favorites. Money poured in on Dallas, and the line dropped to 4, then 3 1/2, then 3.

Late in the week, when it was 3 or 3 1/2, money poured in on the Steelers. The Steelers won, 35-31, meaning that everyone who bet Dallas at plus 4 1/2 won, and everyone who bet Pittsburgh at minus 3 or 3 1/2 won.

Las Vegas took a bath.

The same thing could happen today. The Pats opened as surprise 3 1/2-point favorites. Money poured in on the Giants.

Now the line's 2 1/2, perhaps meaning that lots of money is moving to the New England side as we speak.

If the Patriots win by a field goal ...

But I digress.

The dumbest thing we do, when we talk and write and think about sports, is assign qualities to individuals based on team results.

This particular dumb thing reaches its nadir when we talk about quarterbacks, the philosopher-king/master gladiators of the modern world.

If Eli beats Brady (again), is Eli a hall of famer? Is he "elite"?
How does this game "impact his legacy"?
If Brady beats Eli, is he the best ever? Would his fourth Super Bowl draw him even with Montana and Bradshaw at the top of the pyramid?
How does this game "impact his legacy"?

The only sensible answer to all those questions, and their endless variations, is, "It depends how he plays."

It's a team game. It's actually the most collaborative team game.

Some great quarterbacks, playing great, never win championships. Some bad ones, playing bad, win them.

Teams win and lose. Players play. Judge them on how they play.

That's just reality, even if admitting it would shut down ESPN and the sports-talk-radio business.

The most particular focus of all this, right now, is Eli Manning, formerly known mostly as Peyton's little brother, who has indeed become an excellent quarterback and leader despite having the considerable handicap of Opie Taylor's personality.

As you have heard a quadrillion times lately, the Giants upset the 18-0 Patriots in the 2008 Super Bowl.

At the time, the consensus was that the Giant coaches were smart to, "not ask Eli to do too much," in order to, "put him in a position where he doesn't have to win the game, he just has to not lose it."

Now, just three years later, that game is dumbly remembered as "Eli beat Brady."

So if Eli does it again today, he will have "cemented his legacy."

Ridiculous? Of course, but we've got storylines to flog here.

You may recall that this NFL season began with a lockout of the players by the owners, who indulged in some of the most disgusting labor-management rhetoric since the Industrial Revolution.

Actually you may not recall that. It seems to have been so thoroughly forgotten that unless you're an Eagles fan, it may as well have not occurred.

You may have noticed that this sport has serious, perhaps deadly serious, issues about concussion and head trauma and the health of its players.

Nobody cares, or at least cares one-tenth as much as it cares about how, for example, steroids affect baseball records.

As Ronald Reagan was the Teflon president, the NFL is the nonstick National Pastime.

Pass the wings, sit back and enjoy, secure in the knowledge that nothing that happens today is likely to impact your legacy. Or anyone else's.

Contact Sunday News Assistant Sports Editor Mike Gross at mgross@lnpnews.com.