So I will continue to watch my 19-inch screen at home and go to the movie theater when I want to have the true movie-going experience.

And you know, it's always more interesting to go to the movies than to stay home, even if you do have a 500-inch high definition TV that you paid $5,000 for. (If you can afford to go to the movies after that purchase!)

Think of all the things you'd miss:

· The parking situation

Good luck with that. Sometimes, especially on weekends, finding a parking space at the local multiplex is harder than finding a good movie to see.

But you sure do get a good workout before going to sit on your behind for three hours.

· The line

So you want to go see that little independent movie that is playing in the tiny theater down six hallways and around four corners? The one that seats 25 people? Well sorry, but you're going to have to wait in the same line with the teen crowd that's dying to see "Dude, Where's My Matrix, Part 7.''

At home you'd miss 21st century teen dating rituals, which consist mainly of lots of gum chewing, shrieking and giggling.

· The food

Where else can you spend $10 for a bag of popcorn and a large soda and not bat an eyelash?

These are two of the cheapest food items on the planet, but you'd never know it at the movies.

And where else do you ever eat nachos smothered in liquid orange cheese food?

And you don't care, do you? Somehow, at the movies, your food guidelines go out the window. It must have something to do with being in the dark for hours.

The disadvantage of home viewing? There won't be any liquid orange cheese food at home.

· The previews

Just remember, there is no fast-forward button at the movies. You actually have to sit through all those ads and lame previews.

· The "What were you thinking!' parents.

The movie is R-rated. All the reviews talk about intense adult situations, profanity, nudity and violence.

So bring your fourth-grader along! Scar her for life.

The home viewing experience can be totally kid free. If need be, lock your fourth-grader in her room with lots of Hilary Duff tapes.

· The crying baby.

Don't you love it when you're sitting down in a dark theater eagerly anticipating the start of a movie -- a grown-up movie -- and you hear a coo.

I don't know about you, but when I hear that coo, the hackles rise on the back of my neck.

The coo is always -- I repeat, always -- followed by crying. Loud crying. Get-the-heck-out-of-the-movie-theater crying.

There is no baby cooing at my house, though there is the ringing phone, which can ruin your home movie viewing.

What? You say phones ring in movie theaters? And people answer them and proceed to have conversations while the movie is going on? People who are not expecting their wife to have a baby any second? People who aren't doctors on call? And this happens rather frequently?

Maybe the movie theaters need pause buttons too.



Jane Holahan is a New Era staff writer. Her column appears Wednesdays.

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