This week I reached out for a 10-pack of Chicken McNuggets at the world's No. 1 burger slinger, McDonald's. But that's hardly news. McNuggets have been a steady player on McDonald's menu for decades.

The headline belongs to four new McNuggets dipping sauces that Mickey D's is dropping (that's music-business talk for introducing new "product"). And, much like the music business, McDonald's new product isn't much different from the old product. You listening, McBritney?

McDonald's, which likes to brag that it's sold "billions and billions," isn't such a math whiz when it comes to single-digit numbers. McDonald's latest TV commercials brag about its new dipping sauces — and lists six flavors, but only four are technically "new," and besides, McDonald's actually has eight sauces.

Let's crunch the numbers. The four new sauces are: Honey Mustard, Creamy Ranch, Sweet Chili and Spicy Buffalo. The two other sauces in the commercials are: Tangy Barbecue and Sweet 'n Sour. The two camera-shy sauces are: Hot Mustard and Chipotle Barbecue.

Let's give Creamy Ranch a go. Here's the blueprint: soybean oil, water, distilled vinegar, sugar, buttermilk, egg yolks, salt, garlic, natural flavors and lots of etc., like propylene glycol aginate and calcium disodium EDTA.

I love propylene glycol aginate! My grandmother used to make it on Sunday. I was her favorite, so she let me lick the spoon.

Total calories: 160 (in a 1.5-oz. pack). Fat grams: 22. Sodium: 304 mg. Dietary fiber: 0 g. Carbs: 2 g. Manufacturer's suggested retail price: one pack free with an order of four McNuggets, two free with six or 10 McNuggets, and three free with 20 McNuggets. You can buy extra sauce packs for varying prices, depending on location.

I picked Creamy Ranch because ranch is the rage wherever small portions of chicken are served — like drive-thrus and chicken-wing joints. Kids will eat ranch on a shoe. Creamy Ranch packs the most calories of McDonald's sauces. Spicy Buffalo is the skinniest.

McDonald's Creamy Ranch sauce is standard stuff. It tastes like the sauce you find in those delicious vegetable trays from the supermarket that nobody touches at parties. But McDonald's version of ranch is white, and it tastes like ranch … close enough.

If you're good with Chicken McNuggets, you'll be fine with the new Creamy Ranch at McDonald's.

Dipping sauces at McDonald's have come a long way since deep-fried Chicken McNuggets were introduced in 1983. There were only two sauces then: Barbecue and Sweet 'n Sour. Barbecue is still my favorite, although wing places have hooked me on chicken bits served covered with sauce, not dry for dipping.

I'm not a big dipper. I don't like the unpredictability of differing amounts of sauce on each chicken morsel, requiring me to adjust the size of my bite. Too much sauce, and I have to take a bigger bite. Next thing I know, I've missed Pujols' homer on TV.

Chicken McNuggets come in four shapes: a bell, a ball, a bone and a boot. Why would McDonald's take minced boneless white-meat chicken, then form it into the shape of a bone … when boneless is the best thing about a McNugget?

It's not the first time that McDonald's has invented food shaped like what it used to be. Let's not forget the wildly famous McRib, which is particleboard pork compressed to look like boneless rib bones. Doesn't make sense, but it tastes pretty darn good … so I look the other way.