Straight talk among men: Forget about the Phillies

Girl talk — personal, potentially embarrassing chit-chat among women — is generally regarded as vapid.

Now guy talk — focused on the topics men tap to make small talk with one another — comes in for criticism from Lancaster County native Wes Yoder in a new book.

In "Bond of Brothers: Connecting With Other Men Beyond Work, Weather, and Sports," Yoder writes, "We talk about our golf games or the weather as if they are the most important topics, but the truly significant events of our lives as men lie hidden somewhere beneath the surface, invisible."

The problem is that "sports chatter, a favorite shell game," helps men avoid discussion of their deepest flaws and fears, he writes.

Insatiable appetites, lost dreams, disappointment in relationships, failures — "the things men don't talk about are some of the most important things in life. They are clues to our sorrows and to traits we esteem but cannot achieve, to things we love and things we fear."

nWith a title that plays on a World War II history book, this book takes readers into what a distaff co-worker characterized as the "touchy-feely" realm of improved interpersonal communication, ultimately leading to spiritual enlightenment.

Published by Zondervan, it is written from a Christian perspective and ends with "A Prayer For Empty Men."

It's not all biblical; Yoder delves into the macho character of Ernest Hemingway to understand his tragic ending. And Yoder is also frank about his experiences with religious "accountability" groups, such as Promise Keepers, which he says should be renamed Promise Breakers.

The book, under 200 pages and priced at $16.99, has 12 chapters, including "The Weather Is Fine, But I'm a Little Messed Up," "Game and Story" and lastly, "The Christ-Man." Those titles show the progression of the text from matters personal, psychological and sociological to those spiritual and religious.

The book purports to explain "why your career and performance at work are not your true identity; how to defeat the fears that come to a man in the 'Tough Years' [another chapter title]; what to do when you are too worried to forgive or too power-hungry to smile; why spiritual friendships are the central, life-giving core of all healthy relationships among men."

Yoder wants to help men avoid becoming what his son calls "zombies ... hiding inside shells encasing their dead and dying remains," and to "find a language that expresses who they are as men in order to restore their families and their dreams" and to help them relate to one another and to Christ.

The solution may be to "confess, pray and be healed," he writes.

Yoder left his family's Lancaster County dairy farm in the 1970s, and worked in the music business in Nashville before founding Ambassador Speakers Bureau and Literary Agency. He still lives in Tennessee.

For more information, visit bondofbrothers.net.

The author will sign his book at 6:30 p.m. Thursday, Oct. 7, at Berean Christian Store, 898 Plaza Blvd.

Jo-Ann Greene is books editor of the Sunday News. Her e-mail address is jgreene@lnpnews.com.