“Just like the captain wears his Speedo.” Bahdumbum.
Anyone who flies frequently, or even infrequently, knows how easy it is to tune-out the robotic recitation of in-flight safety lessons given on most airplanes.
So, whenever my husband and I fly with Southwest Airlines, we look forward to more than the extra leg room. We anticipate the crew’s jokes and zingers.
Sometimes the flight attendants deliver a quick quip or two over the course of the trip. Sometimes it’s Comedy Central. Once, we gaped as a limber attendant managed some amazing cheerleading-style kicks and poses — in a very tight aisle — as she made exaggerated reference to the plane’s exit doors and windows.
Southwest encourages its employees to use humor if it’s in their personalities to do so; and, on one of our recent trips, 24-year-old flight attendant Jessica Hagel released her comic within.
“Should the cabin lose pressure,” she said, “oxygen masks will drop from the overhead. After you’ve stopped screaming and climbed out of your neighbor’s lap, place the mask over your nose and mouth and try to breathe normally.
“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation and, in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them — with our compliments.”
Surely the jokes are scripted; we’ve heard some of them more than once. But Hagel knew how to deliver them well after only five months on the job.
“I have a lot of fun with this company,” said the young woman who formerly worked as a bartender. “If something (negative) happens and I can turn it around, that makes me feel great.”
Later, as she walked down the aisle, she offered the passengers: “Dinner? Would you like dinner?”
And she handed us some crackers.
They were plane crackers. (Yes, plain, almost tasteless snacks shaped like airplanes.)
“OK,” she said after the sun had gone down, “we’re going to turn out the lights to enhance our looks, because after such a long day we’re not looking so pretty.
“Pushing the button with the picture of the light bulb turns the light on. Pushing the button with the picture of the flight attendant ... (pause) ... does not turn us on.” As we prepared to land, Hagel shared some final instructions: “As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed among the crew.
“And, um, please do not leave children or spouses.”
Anne Koenig is editor of the Living section. Write to her at akoenig@lnpnews.com.
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