A Wall Street Journal report published that “jarring” finding last year, based on several research studies.


The concept has since been re-examined repeatedly by others; and, as much as some might be tempted to dance around that conclusion, the data seems to support it.


My husband and I have married friends who made the decision to be childless. When I was younger, I couldn’t relate: How could anyone be happy without children? Why would anyone choose that?


There were many times, however — if I were honest with myself — that parenthood wasn’t “all that.” Looking back now from my empty nest, I remember when caring for children was sometimes boring. Frequently stressful. And there were times when parenting was downright painful and most UNhappy.


The thing is, life isn’t solely about happiness. I believe we can become wiser thanks to the relationships we have with sons and daughters who enter this world with their own unique minds and personalities. Because of our children, we learn to be more generous. We learn to accept differences of opinion. We become more compassionate. Because of our children, we work harder; we play nicer.


Because of children, we discover that our own happiness is boosted — disproportionately ­— ­when theirs is.


And even though having children doesn’t necessarily make us happy, I think the most joyous moments a human can experience are wrapped around our kids.


They are those very wonderful, often unexpected, exchanges or observations that cause our souls to leap and spin and twirl in dizzy exhilaration.


Whether those moments come at us often or sparingly, they move us to a level of “happiness” that goes beyond any of Webster’s attempts to define it.


A close friend of mine had one of those moments recently.


Sitting in her sunroom, flanked on one side by her two adult sons and the other side by her grown daughter, Sue opened a small gift box, which the kids had lovingly presented to her; it was her 50th birthday.


As she held up a gorgeous mother’s ring, its three gemstones sparkled almost as much as Sue’s beautiful green eyes.


“So how do you feel now that you are 50?” I teased her later that evening. “Do you feel old?”


“I feel happy,” she responded. “I just feel happy.”


And I knew it was about so much more than the amethyst-, sapphire- and diamond-adorned ring. It was about the leap, the spin and the twirl in her soul. A dance that can only be done because of children.


Maybe having kids does not necessarily make us happy. And, surely, couples should not cave to a societal pressure to conceive or adopt children if they don’t want them.


But, with apologies to Garth Brooks for a slight twist on his lyrics — as far as having kids goes: Yes, we could have missed the pain, but we’d have had to miss the dance.


Sue and I don’t need a research study to tell us about kids and happiness.


We made it to the dance; that is reason enough to be happy.




Anne Koenig is editor of the Living section. Write to her at living@lnpnews.com. blog comments powered by Disqus