What is it like when you have a brother or sister with a disability?

Do you feel protective? Do you worry about other kids being cruel?

Do you wish your sibling could do the things you can do?

Do you feel a little angry? Have some resentment?

Do you wish your parents would pay more attention to you? Or that your family could be like other families?

Do you feel a bit guilty that the one with the disability isn't you?

"I think I feel all those things sometimes," said Connor Rugenstein, 13.

Connor has a twin brother, Dillon, with a communication disability, slowed development and some paralysis. "Sometimes I do feel guilty that I was the lucky one."

Connor is one of about 15 children participating in The Arc of Lancaster County's monthly sibling support and workshop group known as Sibshop. An eighth-grader, Connor tends to be protective of his twin. He tries to help his brother whenever he can, but sometimes he feels other kids just don't understand what it's like to have a sibling with a disability.

That's what makes Sibshop so important to Connor, who is actually at the older end of a group program for youth who are typically from about 8 to 12 years old. When he attends Sibshop, he is with kids who know what the experience is like; for a few hours, they can share their feelings, set aside their worries about that "special" brother or sister and just be themselves.

Sibshop is sponsored by The Arc with additional funding through a grant from the Abigail L. Longenecker Memorial Foundation. The idea for the local Sibshop came from a workshop held by Don Meyers, director of the Sibling Support Project at Seattle Children's Hospital, Research and Foundation. Author of several books, including "Views from our Shoes," Meyer noted that in the United States, "There are over 4 million people who have developmental disabilities. Most of these people have brothers and sisters."

Those who attend Sibshop admit it's not easy being part of a family with a child who has a disability. So much focus is on the sibling's needs: therapy, visits to doctors, developing special education programs, making the home more accessible and ensuring that the sibling with the disability is safe.

"Parents are stressed and tend to lean more on the child who does not have a disability. There are children who feel that pressure, and maybe even feel they have to do more to be successful," said Donna Hornberger, project coordinator for The Arc of Lancaster County. "That can be a burden."

The Sibshop volunteer facilitators know all too well what it is like to have a sibling with special needs. Danny Nace, 30, and his sister, Heather Nace, 26, have a 28-year-old brother, Travis, who has an intellectual impairment and who uses a wheelchair.

Danny Nace works for J.C. Penney; his sister is an elementary school teacher.

They both remember that the hardest part of being in a family with a child with disabilities was the sense of limitation. Danny recalls wanting to go to a movie but, because there was no one to watch Travis, they couldn't go. Heather remembers that her family couldn't go camping or hiking on trails because Travis is a wheelchair user.

"There were times it was hard to understand why we couldn't always do the things we wanted to do as a family," Heather said. "And I had to be a big sister [to Travis], even though I was younger."

Sibshop junior facilitator Tori Dowd is now 16; she came to Sibshop for about four years, before she "aged out."

As the older sister of a brother with autism, she often had to explain to friends why her brother, now 13, was different.

"When I was little, I was mostly confused. I didn't understand," she recalled. "Sibshop helped me. It was something I could do on my own."

Rugenstein agreed. He is about to "age out" of the group he has been attending for three years. His cousin, Ian Shirk, 9, has just started attending Sibshop. The boys' mothers are sisters. Ian's older brother, Matthew, 13, has Asperger's syndrome, which is autism-related and affects social interaction.

"From the time I was very little, I knew my brother was different. I didn't really understand," Ian said. "Now I feel like I'm the big brother. I feel protective."

Appearing far more mature than his young years, Ian also realizes his brother needs more attention. So, it's a treat for him to come to Sibshop, where he can spend time with his cousin and other children who relate to his circumstance. The children at Sibshop play games, do crafts, make puzzles, read books, have snacks and enjoy activities that are just for them.

Sometimes they talk about their siblings. But not always.

"I like being with other kids who know how I feel," said Jonathan Lathrop, 11, who noted he worries about his 16-year-old sister Allie; she cannot speak, has intellectual disabilities and seizures.

After only his second session with Sibshop, earlier this month, Jonathan was already seeing the benefits. So was Reed Frey, 11, whose sister Andrea, 14, is autistic. The program helped Reed to understand his sister a little better.

For Kyle Bouder, 11, coming to Sibshop the past year and a half has encouraged him to express his feelings more openly. A top student, Kyle admitted he gets frustrated with his older brother, Donovan, 14, who is autistic and has trouble communicating. Sometimes Kyle's brother interrupts his homework.

"That gets annoying when I'm trying to concentrate," said Kyle, who also worries about his brother's fearlessness and risk-taking.

As facilitator Danny Nace pointed out, each month there is a discussion and peer support activity such as "Dear Aunt Blabby" or "Graffiti Wall" where the children can share their feelings if they wish. Sometimes, they prefer to just listen.

One month out of the year, there is a special activity where they can invite their siblings to come along, if they want.

Last year, they went to the Laserdome in Manheim; the year before, it was bowling. The kids vote on what that activity will be.

"I wish we had had Sibshop when we were kids," Heather Nace said.

Sibshop meets once a month at the Lancaster-Lebanon Intermediate Unit 13 Conference Center, 1020 New Holland Ave. Call The Arc of Lancaster County, 394-5251.