President Barack Obama sent his regrets for Saturday night's Gridiron Club dinner, a white-tie soiree that most Washington politicians — presidents included — generally regard as a can't-miss event.

The president had plans that trumped a fancy dinner with the political press corps: His daughters, Malia and Sasha, were on spring break, so he was taking his family to Camp David.

Some in the press corps were reported to be miffed, but Cheryl Holland-Jones, executive director of the Crispus Attucks Community Center in Lancaster, said she commended the president for "knowing what his priorities are."

And Don Eberly, who served in the administration of former President George W. Bush, said that if he were in Obama's shoes, "I would do exactly the same thing."

In an e-mail, Eberly noted, "It is astonishing that the media cannot acknowledge the unique circumstances of being a father to young daughters while serving in the Presidency."

Those unique circumstances may go unacknowledged by some. But for Eberly and other fatherhood advocates, those circumstances are precisely why they see promise in the Obama presidency for the cause of responsible fathering.

In the new president, they see someone who can speak from personal experience about the pain of growing up without a father. And they see an involved dad of young children who has been vocal in encouraging other men to step up as fathers.

Fatherhood advocates say they are hopeful that Obama will reinvigorate a national conversation about the importance and imperatives of fathering. They say the president could have an impact on fatherhood in this country by serving as a powerful example.

"He obviously is the new role model for young African-American parents — all parents for that matter — and I cannot imagine a more positive influence than simply living it out, showing people what it means to be a committed, involved, responsible father," asserted Eberly, an East Hempfield Township resident who founded the National Fatherhood Initiative here in 1994.

That nonpartisan, nonprofit organization, now located in Maryland, seeks to promote responsible fathering at the community level across the country. In Eberly's view, fatherhood has become a bipartisan issue.

Most people "now see the broad connections between father absence and just about every social problem government has to confront," Eberly noted.

Life without father
Jay Fagan, a professor of social work at Temple University who has done studies on fathers, said that children who are living in households where their fathers are not present are much more likely to be living in poverty.

They are more likely to fall victim to substance abuse and child abuse. They're also at risk for emotional and behavioral problems. They're more likely to have problems at school, and they're at greater risk of delinquency and teen pregnancy.

Linda Nielsen, a professor of educational and adolescent psychology at Wake Forest University, views fatherlessness not as a family values issue, but as a "huge economic issue."

From high dropout rates, which lead to unemployment and under-employment, to low emotional health, so much of what is costing taxpayers money can be linked to children "not getting enough fathering," she maintained.

"We need more family stability for children," Nielsen said. "Our nation's children need more fathering."

Willie McDowell works as a fatherhood development specialist at the Lancaster County Fatherhood Initiative. The initiative, part of the Community Action Program, provides fathers with education, advocacy and support. McDowell works with incarcerated fathers at Lancaster County Prison, and with young men at the Youth Intervention Center.

A common thread among those with whom he works, he said, is "the way these guys have been raised without their fathers."

McDowell said, "When we get into discussions about what a father should be, you can see in their eyes that they want to be a good father." He said he tells boys and men: "You know what was done to you — if you want to be a good father, don't do the things that were done to you."

He said that any man can father a child, but "it takes a lot to be a daddy. Being a daddy is deeper than that. ... It takes commitment."

Obama's parents separated when he was a toddler, and his father returned to his native Kenya. But "Obama had his grandfather," McDowell said. Obama lived with his grandparents for most of his teen years.

McDowell said he tells young men that if their fathers are not involved in their lives, they need to seek out positive role models.

In McDowell's view, the president can convey one particularly important lesson: "He's the most powerful man in the world, but he has a soft side with his kids. How he displays that will be major for fathers. You can still be strong, but you can still have a sensitive side."

First lady Michelle Obama offered a glimpse of this side of her husband when she spoke at the Democratic National Convention. She recalled her husband driving her and their new baby home from the hospital 10 years before, "inching along at a snail's pace, peering anxiously at us in the rearview mirror, feeling the whole weight of her future in his hands ... determined to give her what he never had: the affirming embrace of a father's love."

McDowell said a lot of the young men he counsels are reluctant to show sensitivity, fearful that it will be misconstrued as weakness. And their machismo extends to their treatment of their children.

He said he often tells young dads that if their kids fall down, "Don't say, 'Get up, get up, get up.' If their knee is hurting, it hurts."

Example for young men
Jason Thompson, president of the Lancaster chapter of Concerned Black Men, which offers mentoring and other programs for youths, said Obama has the attention of middle and high school kids, and he's showing them what it means to be a good husband and father.

"Even being the president of the United States, he still takes time out for his kids, going to their school and talking to their teachers, showing the structure of a family and what families do," Thompson said.

McDowell said he hopes to see the president playing with his daughters on the swing set the Obamas recently had constructed on the White House grounds. "If they show those images, that will go a long way," he said.

Roland Warren, the president of the National Fatherhood Initiative, said he believes the reason Barack Obama is "able to be the kind of father he is, is that he's married to the mother of his kids."

"From a practical standpoint, you're much more likely to be able to be engaged with your kids' lives" if you're living in the same house, Warren said.

According to U.S. Census data, 67 percent of children in the United States lived with two married parents in 2006 – down from 77 percent in 1980. Nearly one in four children lived only with their mothers.

Only 35 percent of black children lived with two married parents. Fifty-one percent of black children lived only with their mothers.

From "an iconic perspective," Warren said, the relationship between Barack and Michelle Obama "creates a different kind of conversation. ... He's the first black husband to be president, and that means something, too."

Warren said that it also could be illustrative to watch how the Obamas achieve some work-life balance (an issue that the First Lady has said she hopes to embrace).

The president's job may be larger in scope than most, but he still has to figure out, as every employed parent must, how to balance his working life with "the very, very unique responsibility" of being a father to his children, Warren said.

Linda Nielsen at Wake Forest University has written extensively on father-daughter relationships. She said it's a myth that girls don't need their fathers; the reality is that girls suffer many of the same consequences as boys if their fathers are not involved in their lives.

As the father of girls, Obama "could really get going on this father-daughter thing," Nielsen said.

The president already has established a White House Council on Women and Girls, which will work to ensure that all Cabinet and Cabinet-level agencies consider women and families in their policies and programs. Nielsen said she'd like to see this council address the impact of insufficient fathering on girls.

She said she does not think it's an issue that can wait for better days.

Fagan, of Temple, noted that joblessness has hit more men than women in this recession. "Unemployment does create a situation where men are more available to their children, but it doesn't necessarily make them better fathers," he said. "It makes them more stressed."

And there is not much of a safety net for families, Fagan said, noting that it is not yet clear to him what the Obama administration's agenda is regarding families and children.

In 2007, then-Sen. Obama reintroduced the Responsible Fatherhood and Healthy Families Act, which would eliminate some government penalties on married families, crack down on deadbeat dads and fund support services for fathers and their families. According to the White House Web site, President Obama would sign this bill into law.

Warren, of the National Fatherhood Initiative, said he hopes that Americans don't put off a conversation on fatherhood. "There are always opportunities in good times and in bad to instill values," he said.

Eberly said he doesn't believe the cause of responsible fathering should "compete with the pressing economic issues of the day" for the president's attention. But he said, "I think it will happen naturally, without the need for it to be prioritized, because it is such a personal issue for him."

The president wrote about his life as a fatherless son in a best-selling book, "Dreams From My Father." It's clear, Eberly said, "he carries the issue with him. I doubt he can shake it. For that reason, I actually think we will hear a lot about it. I don't think in his mind it's just another issue."

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Suzanne Cassidy is a staff writer for the Sunday News. Her e-mail address is scassidy@lnpnews.com.