This week I reached out for the Grand Slamwich, an action-packed breakfast sandwich that eats more like a breakfast buffet, at America's favorite 24-hour diner, Denny's, with 1,525 restaurants in 49 states. Please wait to be seated.

Usually when I write about a national chain with restaurants in 49 states, the odd state out is Vermont. That's because Vermont has fussy laws about franchised eateries. But this time, the Denny's-free zone is Wyoming. Good luck finding a Moons Over My Hammy (best name EVER for a sandwich) sandwich at 3 a.m. when you return home, Vice President Cheney.

The Grand Slamwich is pretty much Denny's iconic Grand Slam Breakfast (two of everything) slapped between two slices of bread. The Grand Slam was introduced 30 years ago, and there has never been a meal that doesn't taste better as a sandwich.

Here's the blueprint: two scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon, American cheese, shaved ham and mayonnaise jammed between two slices of potato bread that's smeared with maple-spice glop and grilled to warm crunchiness. I like food you can hear. And here's a rarity in these tough, lean times: a sandwich that is much, much bigger than the picture on the menu.

Total calories: 1,320. Fat grams: 89. Dietary fiber: 4 grams. Carbs: 72 grams. Manufacturer's suggested retail price: $5.

Wow, 1,320 calories in the palm of your hand. That's a weighty calories-to-dollars ratio.

Oops, I almost forgot. The Grand Slamwich comes with a side order of hash browns, which I stuffed directly into my sandwich, much as I do with my Sausage McMuffin With Egg at McDonald's. Try it, it works.

That brings the "grand" total to 1,520 calories and 101 fat grams. And it's not even 9 a.m. yet. We have a winner! So much for lean times. Hey, where did I put my fat jeans?

The Grand Slamwich has some fine extra touches, such as potato bread instead of plain old toast. Potato bread packs a flavor bonus and a little more oomph than white or wheat. The bread is slathered with a blend of margarine and maple syrup before grilling to give it a hearty New England breakfast flair.

All the innards are straight from the Grand Slam smorgasbord of breakfast goodies. There's ham and bacon and sausage and eggs — and lots of each. Adding mayonnaise — and full-fat mayo, at that — is a little like spiking the ball in the end zone, however. I would have gone with butter, which isn't much better in the calories and fat department, just a personal preference.

If you want to cut back on some calories and fat (and when a sandwich is walloping 1,500 calories, it's just a gesture), hold the mayo. The Grand Slamwich is moist enough without it, and you'll delay shopping at the Big and Tall clothing store one more week.

The Grand Slamwich is such a no-brainer, frankly I'm surprised it took Denny's this long to think of it. This sandwich is the kitchen sink of breakfast fare — not a little, but a lot of everything. And it's not like people haven't been making the Grand Slam into a sandwich anyway. You eat a whole bunch of it, and make a sandwich out of the rest, wrap it in a napkin and eat it later in the car, after everything has, you know, settled.

If they ever build a Fast Food Hall of Fame, the Grand Slam Breakfast will be inducted on the first ballot, along with the Big Mac, the Whopper, the Subway BMT, the Dairy Queen Blizzard, a Nathan's hot dog and Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich. With the exception of the DQ Blizzard, all of these work best between two slices of bread.

I'm working on that Blizzard, don't worry. It won't be the first ice-cream sandwich.

Ken Hoffman's syndicated column appears Wednesdays.