This time of year, high-school juniors' mailboxes overflow with "love notes" from colleges, if not from prom dates.

All of them say: We need you, we want you, come see us, or at least log onto our Web site and here's a special password just for you.

Don't let these flattering solicitations turn your head, advises Peter Van Buskirk, former dean of admission at Franklin & Marshall College.

What many colleges want more than you is your application, he says in his new book, "Winning the College Admission Game," just published by Peterson's at $15.

The more applications colleges receive, the more students they are able to reject. That boosts their "selectivity" rating, making them appear more desirable in the eyes of those who study college-rating guides.

What 17-year-old needs the heartache?

• Van Buskirk has worked both sides of the college green: He knows the institutions' concerns, but also the students'. His understanding comes not only from professionally advising students but also from parentally advising his own three college-bound kids.

"Over the last 25 years, the college going process has become highly commercialized and extremely competitive. Recently, the term 'frenzy' has been used often to describe the prevailing dynamic as families seek the edge in placing their students into the 'best' colleges and universities," he said in an e-mail.

"My years in the business had taught me that too many kids were ending up on college campuses for the wrong reasons. The frenzy had created a skewed sense of what is real and, moreover, what is best when it comes to higher education."

He said he wanted his book to present a clear picture of a process often seen as "mysterious and daunting"; to focus on students, not on college "destinations"; and to teach students and parents to work together to achieve an appropriate admission goal.

"The first order of business ... should be: 'How can we best prepare our student to compete for admission at the colleges that are most appropriate for him?'" he explained.

• Van Buskirk also wanted to make clear that the college admission process isn't a job just for parents, or just for students. So he came up with a book that speaks to both, separately.

One side of the cover is subtitled "Strategies for Students; the other side of the cover is subtitled "Strategies for Parents." Each half of this "flip book" has 15 chapters covering many of the same topics and offering different yet complementary advice because they are written for two different audiences..

Summarized, his message to parents is "Back off"; to most students, "Get going."

"It has become clear to me that many parents have preconceived notions, often derived from their own sense of failed expectations, about what the future will/should hold for their kids," he said. "While this is to be expected, these notions can become limiting to the young person who needs to define her self-worth by the choices she makes and the things she is able to accomplish on her own."

The first chapter in the parent side of the book is titled, "Adjusting to Life in the Passenger Seat."

"Conversely, young people need to understand that the accountability they are learning to deal with in life has real applications in the college admission process," Van Buskirk said in his e-mail. "They need to understand that everything they do from the time they enter high school will have a bearing on how they might compete for admission."

This isn't just general stuff. Chapters for students give tips for visiting campuses, taking tests, writing essays, sending applications. Chapters for parents include the all-important "Managing College Costs," among others.

Thanks to Van Buskirk's 25 years in college admission, he has many anecdotes to illustrate his points and keep things conversational. Edward B. Fiske, author of "Fiske Guide to Colleges," said the book "offers valuable insight on the college search."

• Before it was a book, "Winning the College Admissions Game" was the title of a presentation Van Buskirk made at high schools, summer camps and businesses. A member of the National Association for College Admission Counseling, he is also author of "The College Planning Workbook" and has written about this topic for professional journals.

More information is available at www.TheAdmissionGame.com.