Take "America's Most Talented Kid,'' for example.

I know I hate this show just by watching the commercials.

We see lots of miniature "adults'' who should be riding their bikes, skinning their knees and taking spelling tests. Instead, they are all gussied up in evening gowns, tuxedos and enough hair spray to shellac a monkey, singing their little hearts out.

Sorry, but 12-year-olds should not be belting out love songs like pint-sized Mariah Careys. It's unnatural. It gives me the creeps.

I am never going to watch "America's Most Talented Kid.'' Ever.

Actually, I'm kind of grateful for the advent of reality TV. It's saved me a lot of black hole TV time.

You know the black hole. Say it's 8 p.m. and you've got stuff to do, like clean the kitchen, write the great American novel or finally read "Ulysses.'' You sit down and turn on the TV for a second, just to see what's on.

Three hours later you are bleary eyed as the evening news comes on. You've gotten nothing done; all you have to show for your evening is being able to recite, verbatim, almost all the dialogue from that "Law & Order'' episode you watched for the third time.

But with reality TV, there's no gravitational pull. It's easy to walk away.

Watch the ads for shows like "Fear Factor'' or "Meet My Folks'' and you don't need to see the show.

When you see the 15 cloned babes vying for the generic guy in the latest incarnation of "The Bachelor,'' well, you've seen it all. A show as vapid as this only requires about 30 seconds of viewing time. You can read about who "won'' (if you care) in the newspaper the next day.

But reality shows aren't the only kind of TV fare that may be fully seen in short spurts.

Just watching the ads for the new TV show "My Big Fat Greek Life'' told me everything I needed to know.

In 30 seconds, I knew it was tired, had way too many unfunny jokes about sex and had absolutely no spark of individuality, except that some of the characters spoke with bad Greek accents.

And wouldn't you know it, I was right. Everyone in "My Big Fat Greek Life'' looks as if he or she is on an assembly line that spews out sitcoms. Unfunny sitcoms. What made the movie charming is nowhere to be found.

Nia Vardalos, who hit the jackpot with "My Big Fat Greek Wedding,'' looks like a deer in the headlights. (Did you notice how skinny she looks? Pressure from the geniuses at CBS? Just wondering.)

I just wish I hadn't wasted 30 minutes of my life to find out what I knew in 30 seconds.

I won't make that mistake with something like "Regular Joe,'' Daniel Stern's latest effort at sitcom success. I've seen the ads and I know, with every fiber of my being, that it is not worth 30 minutes -- let alone 30 seconds -- of my time.

Life is way too short to get lost in a black hole. Especially one that is not funny. Now, if only I can stop watching "Law and Order.''



Jane Holahan is a New Era staff writer. Her column appears Wednesdays.



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