Thoughts of his hometown cloud preparations for Big Ten opener

Paterno: Speaking from experience

By Gordie Jones
Intelligencer Journal Sports Writer

   On Tuesday afternoon, Joe Paterno looked back. Back to the good old days, before last Tuesday.

And he looked ahead, and saw the gathering storm clouds.

Small wonder that he sounded like a man whose head was spinning.

""I am having a very, very difficult time,'' Penn State's coach told reporters at the first of two news conferences he held. ""I would be less than honest if I told you otherwise.''

That difficulty stems from the fact that much of the horror of last week's terrorist attacks was visited on his native New York City, and the fact that many friends and acquaintances might not have survived.

He told the team last week that he could not have coached effectively if Thursday's game with Virginia had not been postponed, that he would have been there in body but not spirit. And even now he's trying to find his way, as the Lions (0-1), idle since Sept. 1, prepare for Saturday's Big Ten opener against Wisconsin (1-2), a 12:10 p.m start on ABC-TV.

""For somebody who is as emotional as I am, every once in a while you get very weepy about things you see on television,'' he said. ""I have tried to stay focused.''

But the Brooklyn native can't help but remember that his grandfather and father once worked in the area where the World Trade Center would eventually stand.

""I walked all of those streets many, many times,'' he said.

And he can't help but wonder what happened to some of those who didn't escape the crumbling buildings. He knows that his former players who worked in the nearby financial district - guys like John Shaffer, Trey Bauer, Matt Johnson, Tim Freeman and Bill Spoor - survived. But others might not have.

""We're nervous about some people,'' Paterno said. ""Not necessarily just football players, but there were an awful lot of Penn Staters in that building - alumni and friends. We've just got our fingers crossed.''

Paterno first learned about the attack from graduate assistant Mike McQueary, who told the other coaches as a staff meeting was breaking up last Tuesday morning. Paterno didn't believe him at first. Then another coach reiterated the news, and McQueary came by with an update.

""We sat there stunned,'' Paterno said.

He postponed Tuesday's practice and met with his players, and in subsequent meetings learned that they were eager to play - if not Thursday, then possibly Saturday. But he was not.

""I told the team, "I don't think I am the guy to take you into a football game; I am just not ready to get into a football game,''' he said. ""It was inspiring at the meeting that they thought they wanted to play.''

As it turned out, the weekend's entire Division I-A slate was wiped out; PSU-Virginia was pushed back to Dec. 1. Paterno favored the postponements, not only because of his emotional state, but because he remembered too well that the NFL played games the weekend in November 1963 after John F. Kennedy was assassinated, while the colleges did not.

""We were right,'' Paterno said, ""and the NFL was wrong.''

An assistant to Rip Engle at the time, Paterno has vivid memories of that weekend. Of Engle coming onto the practice field on Friday with the terrible news.

""He was absolutely ashen,'' Paterno said. "" ... He could not hold back the emotion. He didn't even like Kennedy. Rip was a real conservative Republican and he didn't like the Kennedys. ... He thought they were arrogant.''

And Paterno can recall sitting by the radio in his Brooklyn home as a teenager on the afternoon of Dec. 7, 1941, listening to a football game between the Redskins and the Giants. All of a sudden, the broadcast was interrupted by a bulletin: The Japanese had attacked Pearl Harbor.

Though he admitted Tuesday that he was a little young then to gauge the impact that day had on the national psyche, he believed last week's attack was ""very, very comparable to Pearl Harbor.''

Especially considering what followed. He saw some of his older cousins go off to war. He saw one of them die.

""Being older than most people, I realize the path we're going to have to take is not going to be an easy one,'' he said. ""The president is going to have a very difficult job ahead of him. ... We're going to lose some young people. That's a very, very saddening thought.''

But for now, football. The Lions, like all college teams, will wear decals of the American flag on their helmets Saturday. There will also be a ceremony of some sort to honor the heroes and victims of last week's attacks.

""I think we are right now in the process of figuring out what we want to do,'' Paterno said. ""I hope we can come up with something that is appropriate.''

During the game, too.

""We have a long blue line that the kids have to cross when they go onto the practice field,'' he said. ""I have said to them, "When you cross that line, there is nothing you can do about anything except getting better. Your girlfriend may be downtown having coffee with some guy. You have come from an exam and you're worried about it. But there's nothing you can do about it, so you might as well go to work.' ... That's the way I have tried to treat this.''    Notes: Some football issues were raised, and Paterno said reserve outside linebacker Ron Graham was ""much too heavy'' at 270 pounds. Paterno wants Graham at 248. ... Paterno also said that Lamar Stewart, a freshman from Reading, was now in the mix at outside 'backer.